Fallen
by Tietsu
Summary: Riku reflects on choices made. *yaoi* *Ansem/Riku*


Title: Fallen   
Author:Shawna   
Email: suppi_chan@msn.com   
Part: 1/1   
Pairing: Ansem/Riku   
Warnings: Angst, and a smidge bit racy at the end. ^_^ For me anyway.   
Summary: Riku's angsting and Ansem jumps him. Only more serious. ^^ Archive: Sure. Just tell me where it's going. Disclaimer: Kingdom Heart isn't mine. *sniff* Just a bit of harmelss fun. But if someone's selling Ansem, I am *so* there! ^_~   
  
Notes: Just a short litle ficlet, and probably the closest thing to a lemon I've ever written. O.o (No, don't get your hopes up, that's not saying much. *grin*) Kind of angsty, and honestly, I'm not sure where I was going with this. ^^; Oh well...enjoy!   
  


~*~Fallen~*~

  
  
Darkness.   
  
The beginning and the end. We are born in darkness, and to darkness we shall return. No one can escape it. Trying to run...it's meaningless. Isn't it? That's what _he_ says. That all those people trying to preserve the light, that they struggle for nothing.   
  
_A meaningless effort._   
  
I knew that though...in the beginning. I embraced the darkness, I didn't fear it. I must have known. How, I'm not quite sure. Instinct maybe. It doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that now I'm here, this darkness he's so fond of permeating my soul. Did I make the right decision?   
  
I hate being indecisive. Pick a course of action, and don't look back. So why am I having so much trouble figuring things out? Why is it that every time I see Sora I feel as though I'm being torn in two?   
  
Torn. A fitting word, I suppose. Two paths to choose. Follow the light, when in the end the darkness will consume me anyway? Or embrace the darkness, go willingly to that which will have me either way? I already made my choice, so why am I thinking about it anyway?   
  
I chose the darkness. I chose to embrace it because it felt right, because its soothing, numbing touch was so enticing. Being numb...it was better than feeling. The numbness didn't last, though. Soon, the pain was back even worse than before. I tried to tell myself that I didn't care anymore, but I couldn't make myself quite believe it. Being forgotten is worse than death, but somehow, I still care.   
  
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just skirting the issue. Darkness or light. It doesn't matter. Not to me, anyway. Not anymore. This is about them...Sora and Ansem. I'm going to work through this if it kills me, and the only way to do it is to get to the real issue. I'm not going to lie to myself.   
  
Sora is...special to me. Maybe it's love, I'm not really sure. He meant the world to me once. Then came Kairi, slowly, inexorably driving a wedge between us. It happened so subtly that I didn't even notice until I woke up one morning realizing I was on the outside staring in. I don't blame Kairi, she couldn't know, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. But, I learned to handle it. Sora still cared about me, and that was all that mattered. That's what I thought, anyway. It was eating at me, even if I didn't realize it. Slowly gnawing at my heart until there was nothing left but pain.   
  
Then the heartless came. The numbing arms of the darkness were seductive. I gave into it, because it was easier than fighting. It told me that it could ease my pain, and I believed. Yet, I couldn't let go completely. I tried to take Sora with me. But I lost him.   
  
So I tried to find him again, and I did. And I found something else as well. I found that he had forgotten me. He had found other friends, and it hurt to see. He seemed happy enough to see me, but under the surface, I could feel it. Indifference. He cared because he's Sora, and Sora cares about people. Nothing more than that. Nothing at all.   
  
I couldn't stand it, and so I hid for a time. The darkness however had made me a promise to ease my pain, and it kept it. The fulfillment of that promise came in the form of Ansem. He is...amazing. Charming and charismatic, I guess you could say he swept me off my feet. When I'm with him, the pain and uncertainty fade away. With his arms around me, I can actually feel content. Something as simple as the sound of his voice makes my entire body burn with electric fire. When his lips touch mine he becomes everything...the beginning and end of my world.   
  
Is it love or lust or something else entirely?   
  
I started at the sound of someone clearing their throat and looked up to see Ansem in the doorway. He just stood there, watching me for a moment, smiling slightly as though he had some amusing secret. "So pensive. There are serious things on your mind tonight."   
  
I shivered when he spoke. The things that voice alone could do to me. Shrugging the feeling aside, I ran my fingers through my hair. "Not really. Just thinking."   
  
"Hm. Is that so?" he said, approaching me. "Then you wouldn't mind a little company?"   
  
I smiled a little. Always the same question. I wondered why he even bothered asking, since it was always the same answer. "No, I wouldn't mind the company."   
  
"Good." He pulled me out of the chair and started drawing me towards the bed. "I was hoping you'd say that."   
  
"I always say that." I pointed out. Ansem said nothing, merely chuckled and kissed me.   
  
I responded eagerly, arching into the kiss and somewhere in the back of my mind wishing I wasn't so much shorter. Pressing against him, I was dimly aware of his arms circling my waist. Hot lips and wet tongue became the center of my world, and I couldn't help the whimper that escaped when he pulled away.   
  
He picked me up like I was nothing and set me on the bed, and the the lips were back, this time on my throat. He trailed wet, sucking kisses and teasing nips along my neck, licking the sensitive spot just below my ear. I squirmed, painfully aroused, and began fumbling blindly with his clothes, desperate for the feel of skin on skin.   
  
I felt dizzy, charged, and I wanted him so badly. Somehow we managed to shed our clothes, and I reveled in his weight on top of me, heated skin and panting breaths. Muscles moved beneath my fingertips, and every place he touched lit fire in a blinding wave of pleasure. I needed this. I needed him.   
  
Then he was inside me. I tangled my hands in his hair and buried my face in his neck, unable to stifle the soft, keening cries as he began to move. I wrapped my legs around him and clung to him, unable to do anything else as he began to move faster.   
  
Inside. Filling me. I am his. The beginning and end of my world. Ansem.   
  
I don't care anymore. All I need is you. Just you.   
  
Don't leave me.   
  
Not again.   
  



End file.
